Hey, are you there again?!
| 3.2 minutes reading time
My first day as a hospice worker was full of impressions. After seeing and talking to all the patients, Dr. B., who was accompanying me, said goodbye to me. I indicated that I wanted to talk to Mr. W. for a while. Was that ok? "Of course that's ok, as long as Mr. W. is open to it. Each resident may see the space in which he or she resides as their own home. Their own rules apply here. You won't be woken up if you don't want to, you can eat at times you want and you can also get what you want. You name it, it will be arranged. The last wish to do something is also fulfilled wherever possible. And that's a lot. Hence not a patient but a resident!", Dr. B. explained.
I knocked on the door and waited to be called in. "Hey, are you there again?!". "Yes, if you like it too, I would like to talk to you further," I replied. "Oh, sure, sit down". What do I ask as the first question? How can I make sure it's not too confrontational? I quickly turn panic into action. "Can I get you a drink? I see the glass is empty," I suggested. "Yes please, go ahead Rivella". I come back with a filled glass and hand it over. "Thank you boy. Yes, you're a guy of 115 kg and you think you're as healthy as anything, then you get a weird feeling in your stomach while eating and then six months later you're lying here and you don't even lose 70 kg."
There are friends and family waiting on the other side
It's something. For you too, it might be scary. I wasn't done with it at all. Actually wanted to do a lot. Then I was told that I probably had a few more weeks to a few months at most. Turned out to be full of that rotten disease. I had a few sleepless nights because of that, but now I have accepted it.
At some point you get to the point where you think I don't want anymore, I'm done with it. Then my daughter started arranging for me to come here and from day two I started to feel good again. Well, well, I was looking forward to it again. In any case, he didn't want to die right away. The food tastes good again, I enjoy watching a game of football, every now and then I let myself be driven outside and enjoy the sun and the birds.
Crazy, huh?! That doctor is a saint as far as I'm concerned. I sleep well, he has arranged, I eat well and I am hungry, thanks to him. I am being looked after fantastically and have great conversations like I am having with you now. By the way, I can't complain at all. My daughter comes every day. My son-in-law and the grandchildren also come several times a week. They are already so busy and still make time for me. Then that probably means I've been good to them too, right? Otherwise, they wouldn't. By the way, you know what's crazy? Or crazy, special! In the past week, everyone who was important in my life, but has died, has come by. It's as if they want to let me know they're waiting for me. Very friendly."
"I wasn't done with it at all. Actually wanted to do a lot."
"I wasn't done with it at all. Actually wanted to do a lot."
An eventful life
I've been through a lot. Worked at an institution for mentally confused people. A lot of them committed suicide there. I've seen that up close. That grabbed me. My own son, missing, for days. Then he is found somewhere in the middle of nowhere, dead! Then you break down. That's the worst thing that can happen to you. Is very hard to accept. A healthy young guy, you want to swap places but you have no say in it. Heavy. It's been many years and I've accepted it. Maybe we'll see each other again soon, I think so. That's great. I'll be ready after the World Cup. Still experiencing this. Maybe I'll make it to the finals, who knows."
Slowly I see the energy slipping away from Mr. W. He starts to speak a little slower. Perhaps also because of the emotions that accompany his story. I decide for now that it's enough, that he could use some rest and ask him if I can do something for him. Do you want to eat or drink something, massage your sore hands or feet? "No dear, thank you. I'm going to take a nap." Our eyes find each other. The boyish twinkle in his eyes during the story gives way to 'dull' tired eyes. The pupils are gray and stare into the distance. "Sleep well, I'll be back the day after tomorrow and then we'll talk further if you want too," I say softly. "Please, that was nice!", he replies.
Time for the next step
I leave his room, report to the location manager B. and walk to the car. During the drive back, a few things come up. How sweet that everyone who lies there is so friendly and says thank you for everything. How nice that they are not soured but accept it. How nice that there is a confidence in what comes next. How beautiful that there are people who do this together to give others the space to say goodbye in peace and quiet. Farewell to loved ones, goodbye to life. Time for the next step.
It's About Time!
