Flat on the ground

Inside I had to laugh, but when I got up I felt a twinge in my hip and my side. Everyone panicked except me because I had never had anything before, I always cycled through everything and only saw hospitals when I came to visit. Still, the ambulance was called and a picture was taken just to be sure. When the results of the photo came, dark clouds gathered. The picture showed a fracture but it wasn't that serious. However, a weird stain could be seen near the fracture. According to the doctor, this needed to be examined better, but it didn't look good.

The results of the investigation were negative. It turned out that there was a tumor and the question was whether it needed surgery at my age. I didn't want to. A little later I also got some pain in other places and then it turned out that there were already metastases. This gained so much momentum that the doctors said it wouldn't be long. What should I do? Being alone at home was not an option and it didn't make the children feel good either. My granddaughter who also works in a hospital said; Grandma is still enjoying the last few weeks in a hospice. There are lovely people, you have your own place and you are well taken care of.

To make a long story short, everything was arranged and 2 weeks ago I was brought in. Actually, I didn't even feel that bad, but now I often have pain. But I'm so afraid of. And you? Are you also afraid of injections? You are you, you say, but you please.

I first got a cup of tea. With a lot of love I prepared it with a piece of cake and sat down next to her. You know, to be honest, I don't like jabs either, but sometimes the end justifies the means.

Yes, it would be worth something to me if the pain disappeared. To be honest, I'm tired of it too. I can't get out of it anymore and although the people are nice, I don't want to become a burden to the children. They have to drive a long way and visit me often. However, I notice that it is now starting to be difficult for them. I have great conversations with my granddaughter. With that, I can go into depth. Less so with my children. I realize that I used to be a strict mother as well. If they had fallen, I said, come on, get up and don't cry. Maybe I was too harsh. I also had to work hard and even though my parents were good to me, they didn't cuddle and they weren't gentle. I might get that back now, too. I have myself to thank for it. My granddaughter is very different. She massages my hands and feet, rubs me in and really listens. She is also so good with animals, especially horses. Do you have a thing for horses?

Another question, perhaps very strange, but how do you feel about death? What do you mean? Do you think there's anything after death? Why are you asking me this so specifically? And if we're going to talk about this subject, shall we agree that you're going to say you? We are now becoming confidential with each other. Ok, I do. More than a week ago I felt very strongly that I am going to see my mother again. That feeling is getting stronger by the day. Now I'm wondering, do I want it so badly or is it really like that? I think I "see" her and hear her say: I am here and waiting for you to embrace you again. And honestly, I would like nothing more. She looks at my eyes, looks at me and a tear fills the corner of her eye. She turns her head and looks out and a thin trickle runs down her face. I'm glad when it happened. I'm ready. I take her hand and rub it. She looks at me and tears come to me too. This way we hold each other for a while without talking. She thanks me for the nice conversation and says she's going to take a nap.

I grab another glass of water, put it next to her bed and help her into it, grab the remaining cups and when I turn around to say goodbye I already hear a soft snore. I quietly leave the room and quietly say goodbye to Friday, dear lady. Time to go.