The coffee table

Gathering around the coffee table is an opportunity for people to find support in each other during a difficult time. Sharing grief, memories, and stories provides a sense of belonging and relieves the pain of loss. It provides a safe space in which people feel understood and supported, knowing that they are not alone in their grieving process.

It is often a last moment together to express emotions and reminisce about the deceased before everyone goes home. It is an opportunity to show and share grief, as well as to celebrate the life of the deceased and highlight the positive influence they have had on others. Reminiscing provides comfort and gives the feeling that the person lives on in the hearts of those present. It is also often a unique moment to reminisce with that distant cousin, emigrated neighbour or old classmate that you haven't seen or spoken to in years. A true reunion.

The coffee table moment contributes to the grieving process and the processing of the loss. By coming together, talking and listening, people can take steps in their grieving process. Sharing feelings and experiences with others who are going through the same thing can be healing and promote acceptance of the loss, leaving people with a sense of peace.

At a traditional coffee table moment, coffee and tea, cakes and sweets, and sandwiches and savoury snacks are often offered. Comfort and warmth are central to sharing this moment. Enjoying it together provides a moment of relaxation.

Sweet treats, such as cakes, biscuits and petit fours, are often served with a cup of coffee or tea. Something savoury should not be missing, so you can be sure that all guests get a treat.

It is good to think about which snacks and drinks you think are appropriate for gathering around the coffee table.

The coffee table moment can add even more significance to the farewell. There are two options: theme-based catering and serving the deceased's favourite dishes and drinks.

Theme-based catering provides an excellent way to tailor the coffee table moment to the personality and interests of the deceased. For instance, if the deceased loved the sea, a maritime theme could be chosen, incorporating seafood and nautical decorations. If the deceased had a passion for gardening, a floral theme could be selected with dishes inspired by nature. Theme-based catering adds that extra personal touch.

Serving the deceased's favourite foods and drinks is another meaningful tribute, creating a sense of connection and intimacy. Combining theme-based catering with the serving of the deceased's favourite dishes and drinks can create a powerful and poignant moment of remembrance.

Of course, there are many alternatives to the coffee table moment. Here are some suggestions:

Remembrance in nature: Picnics and outdoor gatherings

An alternative to the traditional coffee table moment is a commemoration in nature. Such as in a park, garden, or other outdoor landscape that held special meaning for the deceased. Gathering there with loved ones and having a picnic creates a relaxed atmosphere, promoting a sense of connection and tranquility.

Art and Creative Expression: Workshops and meaningful creations

Another way to incorporate art and creativity into the farewell is by organizing workshops. Providing guests with the opportunity to create something meaningful together. Like painting a memorial stone, crafting a piece of art, or writing a poem. This can serve not only as a means to express emotions but also as a lasting reminder of the deceased. Encouraging creativity and sharing artwork both contribute to coping with the loss.

Digital options: Virtual coffee tables and online commemorations

Of course there are various digital options as well. Consider organizing a virtual coffee table via video calling, allowing people from different locations – including family and friends abroad – to come together to share memories and support each other. Alternatively, host a fully online memorial meeting. Digital platforms offer the opportunity to involve those who cannot be physically present in the farewell. Photos, videos, and personal stories can be shared, enabling people to grieve, remember, and offer support together, even from a distance.

• Mini sandwiches with different fillings, such as salmon, chicken, or vegetarian options.
• Savoury tarts with, for example, spinach and feta, or quiches with various ingredients.
• An assortment of tapas such as olives, cheese cubes, dried sausage, and marinated vegetables.
• Fresh fruit salads and fruit skewers for a fresh and healthy option.
• Various types of bread with matching spreads, such as herb butter, hummus and tapenade.
• Finger food such as mini quiches, mini pizzas or puff pastry snacks with different fillings.
• Colourful and flavourful salads, such as a Greek salad, caprese salad or couscous salad.
• Sweet treats like petit fours, macarons, mini cupcakes, and chocolates.
• Different types of tea, coffee and fruit juices to cater to different taste preferences.
• Possibly a selection of wines, beers and soft drinks for those who prefer.

When selecting snacks and drinks, take any dietary requirements and allergies of the people present into account. This makes the coffee table moment a pleasant and personal experience.